When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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