I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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