do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
