HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
