I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
