i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
