eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
