i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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