I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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