Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
