Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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