i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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