Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
