Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
