What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
