If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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