This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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