Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
