I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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