If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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