We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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