Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
