it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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