At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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