Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone came in the potted fern
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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