Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All the doctor said was why
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
