when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
