yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i dont even know how to be here
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
