apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
