I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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