I think im going to throw up on grandma
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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