So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
