my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
