yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
