Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Barsexuality is the new black.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
