i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
