i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
