Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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