well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
