It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
