The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
