Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
