I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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