Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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