I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
