He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
