My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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