I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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