so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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