Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
