I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
