You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My penis needs a shock collar
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
