shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
