I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
