My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will pee on everything he values.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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