Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
