Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
