I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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