im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
