I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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