i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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