IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
