Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
do herpes really smell.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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