I hate your face
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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