oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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