Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
