Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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