Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
