Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
