Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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