Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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