How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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