just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize