he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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