I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
