Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
