I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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