I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
