If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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