saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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